Today marks two weeks of training camp, and my brain feels quite scattered, so bear with me while I try to organize everything for you all. 😅
Note: If you’re reading this on your phone, the formatting looks way better if you turn your phone sideways…
Friends!
I’m sure this is no surprise to any of you, but I’m not really into hype and big groups of people and meeting a whole bunch of people in a day. My parents and I showed up on day one, and we pulled into the driveway greeted by people yelling and cheering and blowing airhorns. I was like, “Oh boy. This could be interesting.” And it certainly has been. After registering, I was taken to M-squad’s communal campsite. After a bit of somewhat awkward socializing, we were allowed to start setting up our tents. That’s when I met my first friend! Gabi had already set up her tent, so she helped me set up mine. She and I have hung out a good bit since then. I’ve also connected with a few other people from my squad, but most people I’ve only talked to a couple of times. That’s kinda my style, though. I’m not probably going to be super close to everybody at any point in time on this trip, and that’s okay. It’s just kinda hard for me because the few people I’m trying to be close to, I have to start from the ground up. That’s hard.
Who needs a schedule, anyways?
I’ll give you a hint. I do. And fortunately, we are provided with a schedule that we follow loosely. I came into this knowing that it was going to be an opportunity to give up control, and it certainly has been that, and my lack of control is only going to increase as we start heading to the mission field. We still do not have information about what country we will be going to third because Adventures in Missions doesn’t know yet. I’m kind of in the boat where I’m not super worried about it. We will be somewhere, but right now we are here and I have enough to process just from training camp.
Wrestling with God
The spiritual aspect of training camp has been quite a ride. To be fair, I did have some idea before I got here that my experience would not be the same as my church experience thus far. That has certainly been proven true. I will clarify that when I say “wrestling with God,” I really do mean with, not against. I’m bringing things back to the Bible and asking God for answers because I don’t believe in just blindly following what the leaders are saying just because they are leaders.
Sessions
My first instinct was to shut down and just ignore the teachings, primarily because they use a lot of testimonies and personal experience as opposed to starting from a Bible passage and going from there. The content of the teaching is also a bit strange to me in that a lot of it is giving tools versus more specific teaching. The first teaching was on “What is the gospel?” and it honestly took a while for the gospel to be presented at all. Once they got to using the Bible, the passage used was Titus 3:4-7.
But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
They focused on the three-pronged gospel, which says that the gospel leads to power, forgiveness, and adoption. That’s fine and all, but repentance from sin and Jesus death were brushed over, if they were mentioned at all. I don’t know how you can have a teaching on the gospel and talk so little about what Jesus did and why we need Him. They did circle back and present the gospel more effectively in their teaching on evangelism, so that was good.
I do think that the Bible content has gotten better in recent sessions. For example, the teaching on the missional heart of God was packed with scripture after scripture, including a lot from the Old Testament. It was really good to see God’s heart for the nations even from the covenant with Abraham. If you don’t have much context on the Abrahamic covenant, I will summarize! Basically, the custom at the time was for two people to make a formal agreement by cutting some animals in half and then walking between the two halves, essentially agreeing that if they broke their side of the deal, the other person could do to them what they had done to the animals. So God had Abraham cut some animals in half, but when it came time for them to walk between the two sides, God put Abraham to sleep and went through the two sides alone in the form of a smoking oven and a burning torch (Read Genesis 15 for the unabridged version). Essentially, God was agreeing to take the penalty if He broke His side of the covenant, and to pay the penalty if Abraham/Israel broke his/their side of the covenant. And isn’t that just what Jesus did on the cross? We broke our side of the covenant, so Jesus spilled His blood because that’s what God committed to do on our behalf when he went between those animals. That’s kind of wild. Isn’t God so good?
Worship
The worship style has been very repetitive, expressive, and fluid as opposed to the more structured songs I grew up with. I had never seen people dancing or kneeling or praying over other people in worship before, and to be completely honest, it was a little off-putting at first. I’m still far from the most expressive person in the room, but once I got over feeling like I had to match the energy, it was at least a little freeing to not feel weird for raising a hand or swaying or whatever.
Hearing God’s Voice
I grew up being taught, whether explicitly or implicitly through ignoring the issue, that God doesn’t really talk to His people right now like He did in the Bible because we already have everything we need in the Bible. The role of the Holy Spirit was presented as being just for conviction, sanctification, and sealing us as God’s children. We never really talked about the gifts of prophesy or speaking in tongues or hearing God speak audibly. We were supposed to be led by the Holy Spirit, but I never really understood what that meant. Spoiler alert: I still don’t.
At training camp we have been taught to talk to God and to listen for His response. We were told that sometimes God speaks audibly, sometimes we “hear” Him in our spirit, and sometimes we just know by intuition what He wants us to do. In addition, both leadership and other racers share images that they believe God gives them as visions somewhat frequently. With my background, I was somewhat skeptical of all of this “hearing from God.” Not that I didn’t believe that people had those experiences, but that I couldn’t be sure that it was from God. Honestly, in their instructions on how to listen for God’s voice, they’ve been pretty clear that not everything we think is from God is, and we have to filter those things through the Bible, other believers, what we know of God’s character, etc. They also made it clear that it’s a practice, and we’re not going to get it right every time. I think there’s some wisdom to that. When I took all of this back to the Word, looking for evidence that God doesn’t work that way anymore, I found no reason to believe that, so I’m kind of hesitantly dipping my toes in the water. I’m honestly not sure what to expect here, but I’m not really afraid anymore because I trust God and I have the Bible to check things against. The Bible is always going to be my final authority, so I can be content whether or not God chooses to speak to me in a more tangible way than He has before. I’m really trying not to put God in a box in an unhealthy way, but I also am not going to just follow everything that feels like it could be God. So yeah. That’s kind of where I’m at. If you disagree with my position, please reach out! I would love to hear your insights.
God speaks!
Yesterday my squad had the opportunity to go to Kroger and evangelize. I have never gone out evangelizing to strangers before, so it was definitely a little nerve wracking. I was partnered with one other girl from my squad. We just kinda walked around and talked to a couple people and prayed for them. I left a little discouraged because we prayed for some people, but we didn’t really actually get into the gospel with anyone. To be fair, we were in the Bible Belt, so half the people we talked to already claim Jesus as their Savior.
So anyway, we didn’t really get to the gospel, and I was feeling a little bit discouraged that I wasn’t good enough at talking to people to lead the conversation to that point. It seems like since people’s eternities are at stake, I would have at least asked one person if they wanted to hear about what Jesus did for them, but I didn’t. I felt like I just wasn’t a good enough communicator and I was incapable of talking to people well enough to share the gospel at all, much less in a convincing way.
Then I opened my Bible where I left off, and what do you know?!? The passage I was reading was Exodus chapter 4. Moses is talking to God through the burning bush, and he’s putting up a fight because God wants him to go back to Egypt to lead the people into freedom, and he doesn’t feel qualified. I’ll share an excerpt…
“Then Moses said to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servant; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” The Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.”“ (Exodus 4:10-12)
I don’t really feel like that needs a lot of explanation. I don’t need to be worrying about how good my communication skills are. I need to be faithful to bring what God has given me to the table, and He’ll do the work to teach me to share who He is more effectively and to fill in the gaps for people where I fail.
And that wasn’t even the end of it! Today I had the opportunity to lead M squad’s morning devotional. I had a passage chosen to focus on (Isaiah 30) and some explanation of what was going on and why it still applies to us and then I also prepared application questions for people to work through on their own. Afterwards, one of my squad mates literally walked up and said to me, “You’re very well spoken.” I’m sorry, what?!? I’m walking around worrying that God can’t use me because I can’t communicate well enough, and God tells me loud and clear through His Word and through people around me that that’s just not true. It’s wasn’t a vision or audibly hearing the voice of God, but God definitely got his message across.
Bye for now!
There’s honestly so much to share, but I can’t just type all day, so I’m going to stop there for now. If you guys want to hear any more about Isaiah 30, let me know. Or just read it; it’s really good. Use the comments section! I love to hear from you guys! I said it before and I’ll say it again: don’t be afraid to disagree. A lot of this is new to me, so if you have insights, share them!
Almost forgot prayer requests…
- Pray for team bonding and overall unity of the squad.
- Pray for me to process well and to find the truth about all the things I’m wrestling with God about.
- A lot of my squad mates are sick, so pray that they will recover quickly and also that I will not get sick. I really do not want to get sick.
- Pray that I would grow in confidence in building up my squad mates through encouragement and constructive criticism.
- Pray that I would grow in my ability and willingness to share the gospel.
- We started sharing testimonies in our teams (Teams are subdivisions of the squad. Mine is our leader Ava and 8 other girls from my squad.), so pray that I would have wisdom and courage to share my story in the way that most glorifies God.
Thanks again for all your prayers!
Karis
Hi Karis
It sounds like you are right where you should be spiritually.
I’m proud of you and who God is forming you to become.
Stay open and stay biblical and God will teach you a lot!
I’m glad to hear how you’re searching the scriptures to evaluate
what you hear. Keep up the good work.
I’m praying for you every day.
God is blessing you and those around you!
Love Ya!
Grampa H
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Grandpa! Your support and your prayers mean a lot to me. I miss you a lot, especially on Mondays. Love you, too!
I love that God used the passage you were reading in your Bible and the people around you to speak to you! Keep going, you got this
Hey, good to hear you’re questioning new teaching back against the Bible. New perspectives can be good and I value what I learned from the first church I attended but there was some wonkiness there that I took as fact at the time. Keep up the good work.
Thank you! Yeah, it’s definitely a lot of processing and questioning, but I think it’s about time to step out and do that on my own anyway.
Dear Karis,
You are indeed very well spoken! God has blessed you with that – as well as many other – gifts!
May you continue to use them to honor Him. You are doing the right thing – like the Bereans – checking the Bible on all you’re learning in sessions.
May God bless and use you. Proverbs 3:5-6
Blessings, Michelle
Thank you so much, Michelle! Your encouragements always mean a lot to me. One question…who are the Bereans? Haha.
Acts 17 ❤️🙂🙏
We actually read that part of Acts in our session this morning! Like an hour and a half after I read that chapter for myself. Haha. Crazy how God brings things up like that just to make a point.
It’s nice to get hear from you again! Speaking of hearing, I agree with you about the “Hearing God speak”, that God doesn’t really speak directly these days. But if you do hear his voice, you will know because God is, well, God. I love how God will use his word to give you just what you need. It’s happened to me a few times and it was really up lifting. I hope it has a same effect on you (even if what God’s telling you to do isn’t what you want, that happens too). Well, Ill stop writing this novel and let you get back to work Have a good time, and know that I will be praying for you. Bye!
I so enjoyed your post (I just looked for an update yesterday) since you have been on my mind. Sounds like things (and you) are progressing well.
It is normal to feel needy in communication skills, but that is a humble spirit. I’ve heard you speak (at church and at Graduation) and I can assure you that you communicate well (in speaking and in writing -as your blog illustrates). The more you do, the better you will feel. I remember when I was starting out singing in church, I was so nervous that I’d feel ill. I now say “Help Me Lord” and turned it over to Him since He is always with me (and knows what it’s supposed to sound like). Think about when you sing. Yes, you are using others written words. Trust in your words to speak the message in your heart.
I find it hard to stand still when singing words to the Lord that guide, calm and inspire me. It started when I learned some sign language. It was like having another language to drive home the message. You might want to start there. It keeps you focused on the message being conveyed. There are websites that can teach you basic words. (I love signing Jesus -it’s alternating touching the palms of your hand with a finger of the other hand.) Ed said Psalm 100 also inspires you to get serious about Worship. It is for His glory and takes the focus off of you.
We will keep you covered in prayer in the journey God has you on.
Loved how organized your blog was. We especially liked the pictures!!!
Love,
Joyce and Ed
Thank you so much for sharing that encouragement! I think when I spoke at church and graduation, it was helpful because I was able to prepare beforehand. Maybe that’s something I can apply to more interactive conversations, too! It could definitely be easier to walk up to someone with my first sentence ready versus getting there and trying to think of something on the spot.
I never really thought about learning sign language, but that is kind of a cool idea! There are a few people on my squad who are already fluent, so I bet they could help if I needed it. That’s definitely something to consider.
Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers! Miss you guys!
Don’t forget your prepared written words come from your heart tempered with Bible Knowledge. Those same words/knowledge are available for your speaking voice. It’s who you are. Trust yourself. Be sincere and kind (which you are) in your delivery and you will not fail. Our job is to plant seeds. God takes care of the rest! Relax and enjoy the journey.
Karis,
I think we are twins, well, yes, we are sisters in Christ. As I was reading your post, your words/insights, discernment, questions, are ones I would put before the Lord in prayer.
Your love for God’s Word and the biblical gospel is also very evident. I am very thankful I just met you and even 1 phone call with you (sorry, I put you on the hot spot) you communicated the full gospel clearly and in-depth to me.
Your words echo Moses regarding communicating and God used him greatly. Regarding evangelism, you are right, the gospel should be shared. But the biggest hindrance is fear, fear of rejection. Remember, we carry/deliver His message, it is not our message. And planting seeds is so valuable. His Word does not return void.
I am amazed the day I texted you was the same time you were at Kroger. The Lord immediately prompted me to stop and pray for you. I look forward to your updates and how the Holy Spirit will sanctify you more and more to be like Jesus.
I also have been so blessed by the few interactions we’ve had. Even just that I was at second service to meet you on my last week at church and that we did prayer groups that week and I happened to sit by you is all so clearly a work of God.
I think I am going to grow in confidence as I get more practice sharing the gospel. Hopefully I’ll bring that confidence back with me. Our country really needs Jesus.
I’ve shared with a couple people how cool I think it is that that was the time you messaged. Also very obviously a God thing since you’re my primary evangelist contact and that was the first time you really reached out since I got here. By the way, I started reading that book you recommended! I’m really excited to get further into it. Thanks again for all the advice and the encouragement and for leading by example! Keep up the good work back home, sister! I can’t wait to see how God continues to work through each of us.
I loved reading your blog, Karis! The part about Abraham, where God walks through the halves of the sacrifice, committing to the whole covenant on His own, even if WE break it, HE will pay – so good!!!
But I think what encourages me most, is seeing the way God is shepherding you through all of this. He is pointing you to His Word, just what you need. He is such a good Shepherd, and He is YOUR Shepherd! THAT is good to see! You may be many miles away from some of your favorite people, but Your Shepherd is RIGHT THERE. We miss you for sure, but it is good to hear from you.
Thanks for being so transparent. We can see right into you as you write. Thank you for sharing yourself and your processing with us. We’ll keep praying.
You asked prayer not to get sick. I’ll pray for that. But… sickness is one form of weakness and need, and part of God’s work in this journey is to bring you to weakness so He can meet your need (completely Himself or through others). I know you hate being sick, but if He allows it, allow yourself the weakness and let the Shepherd be your strength. Hopefully, the other ways He is stretching you are enough for the moment!
I am encouraged in all that I see in you as you share. And about the Holy Spirit, I’m still learning what it is to listen & follow Him too. 🙂
Keep trusting – you’re in Good Hands.
Proud of you and encouraged,
Dad
Karis,
I appreciate your kind words. ♥ I have been praying for awhile for a godly friend who loves Jesus and obeys His command to GO & who desires to share His glorious gospel. And a woman who thinks deeper and knows her Bible. I believe you are answered prayer.
I have another book recommendation and you can get it mailed to you for free. The Ministry is called First Love Ministries. You can 1 time a month get 2 or 3 books for free on their website and they even have gospel tracts for free.
I tried to paste the link to their web page of the book but received an error, so my post I typed out the first time failed. I will send the book link via text to you.
The book is called “Even If None: Reclaiming Biblical Evangelism” by Ryan Denton.
This book helps explain why evangelism is lacking in the church and also examines what is the biblical gospel message/evangelism.
Again, I will text you the link if you want to get it for free.
I wish you could have seen my face when I read that part about me being an answered prayer. I don’t think my mouth stayed closed. Haha. That’s actually so crazy and awesome and beautiful! Kind of ironic, but I came to New Life with the intent of getting connected with some older, more mature Christian women. God ended up putting me with a bunch of other teenagers instead! It seems like instead of saying no, He just wanted me to wait until my last Sunday at New Life and then provide! He just keeps blowing my mind! I can’t wait to see how He continues to work through our friendship and all the other ways He’s showing up right now.
I saw your book recommendation and got the link! I’m definitely interested, just deciding if I want to get it for free and have to lug it across the ocean a few times or pay a few dollars and read it on my kindle. Thanks for thinking of me!
Hi Karis!
I’m a little behind on reading your post but was so encouraged reading it. Thank you for writing a thorough and honest update.
I can see the Lord is using you in your giftedness. You are good at biblical discernment. I can see how the Lord is challenging you and growing you in areas you may have previously been inclined to avoid or simply didn’t have exposure too. I’m praying for those things.
I certainly identify with your position and thoughts on hearing from God and how He communicates with us. I’m exciting for your exposure to differences and how the Lord is going to use it and grow you. I believe that when you have had that exposure and used it to grow with God, you’re further equipped to reach people with His gospel.
He is working. Be confident of that. Keep in it. Sit in the uncomfortable (you kinda don’t have anywhere else to sit right now…).
Love you so much!
Shannon
Hi Shannon! It’s so good to hear from you!
Yeah, I honestly kind of forgot that biblical discernment is a part of spiritual gifting. So much of the emphasis here is on healing and prophesy, and I think the less obviously supernatural gifts get lost. Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m trying to hold things with an open hand, which I’m sure you’re aware is a challenge for me. It’s okay. God is patient with me even when I’m not. : )
Love you, too!
Karis